YES, I’M TALKING TO YOU, MY MEAGER AMOUNT OF FOLLOWERS. LISTEN UP.

HENCEFORTH, IF ANYONE GOES INTO THE ASKBOX AND TALKS ABOUT THIS ‘SLENDERMEN’ (WHICH YOU CAN’T FOOL ME WITH, I KNOW IT’S JUST A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO SIPHON THE REST OF MY CASH FROM ME, YOU DOUCHEBAGS) IT WILL BE IGNORED. BECAUSE, GUESS WHAT??? I’M NOT AN IDIOT.

SIGNED,

KARKAT “I’M NOT AN IDIOT, SO DON’T TRY AND FUCK WITH ME” VANTAS

I tHiNk I sAw ThE mOtHeRfUcKeR kArKaT kEePs TaLkInG aBoUt ToDaY. fUcKiN bUsInEsS sUiT aNd No FaCe. I dIdN’t TeLl My BrO kArKaT bEcAuSe I dIdN’t WaNt HiM tO gEt AlL wOrRiEd AnD sHiT bUt It WaS mOtHeRfUcKiN sCaRy.

My BrO kArKaT hAs BeEn A jUmPy LiTtLe MoThErFuCkEr. BeEn TrYiNg To GeT hIm To ChIlL oUt. MaYbE iF iT’s NiCe OuT wE cAn Go PiCk Up SoMe FaYgO aNd I cAn CoOk FoR hIm. :O)

I THINK YOU’D NOTICE A TALL, DISTURBINGLY GANGLY FIGURE TOWERING OVER YOUR SHOULDER EVERYWHERE YOU GO. JUST CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT HE’S NOT AFTER YOU ANYMORE, NUMBNUTS.

I DON’T THINK I’LL BE SO FUCKING LUCKY.

I hAvEn’T sEeN aNy MoThErFuCkIn StAlKeR bUt KaRkAt Is SeRiOuS aBoUt ThIs ShIt. He’S nOt JoKiNg AnD i HaVe NeVeR sEeN mY bEsT bRo So ScArEd.

hEy ThErE.
i CaMe To ViSiT mY fUcKiNg BrO kArKaT, hE sAiD i ShOuLd WrItE sOmE sHiT hErE sO eVeRyOnE wOuLd kNoW i FuCkInG gOt HeRe.
hE wEnT tO gEt SoMe ShIt To EaT, bUt He SaYs It IsN’t SaFe To Go OuT aFtEr DaRk So He LeFt Me HeRe To GeT mY cHiLl On By MySeLf. 

I gUeSs YoU cAn AlL uP aNd AsK a MoThErFuCkEr SoMe QuEsTiOnS.

SINCE I HAVEN’T UPDATED ON ANY OF THE OTHER HAPPENINGS WITH THIS STALKER.

NOW WOULD BE AS GOOD AS TIME AS ANY SINCE I’M CURRENTLY SITTING HERE IN THE DARK AND GLARING AT THE WALL, WAITING FOR MY STONER BUDDY TO CRASH IN ON THIS LOVELY PARADE.

ALRIGHT, SO A FEW DAYS AFTER THE FIRST ENCOUNTER I HAD WITH HIM, WHICH WAS PRETTY TAME, I WAS JUST AROUND MY HOUSE. MY PARENTS OWN THIS PLACE, LET ME LIVE IN IT, AND THEY LIVE OFF ON THE EAST COAST LIVING LARGE OR SOME SHIT.

I DON’T REALLY PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY DO UNLESS IT’S THE CHECKS THEY SEND ME FOR THE BILLS EVERY MONTH.

BUT YEAH, SO I WAS ALONE AROUND MY HOUSE AND I HEAR SOME NOISE OUTSIDE. ME, BEING NOT PARANOID AT ALL AND HATING THE FAMILY OF STRAY CATS THAT DECIDE IT WAS COOL TO MOVE INTO MY BACKYARD, WENT TO GO TELL THEM TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRASH.

WENT OUT, TRASH WAS PERFECT, NO CATS.

INSTEAD, I LOOKED OUT AND I FUCKING SWEAR I SAW HIM AGAIN. I KNOW THERE’S NO PROOF, BUT HE WAS JUST OUT IN THE TREES BY MY HOUSE. STARING. SO I GRABBED MY PHONE OUT OF MY POCKET AND SNAPPED A SHOT OF HIM.

WHY DO I NOT HAVE THE PICTURE, YOU ASK? WELL FIRST, WHEN I WENT TO LOOK AT THE SHOT A WHILE LATER, IT WAS SEVERELY FUCKED UP. LINES ALL THROUGH IT, FUNKY COLORS, THAT SORT OF DEAL.

I WAS CONFUSED AND THEN FUCKING PISSED OFF BECAUSE I PLUG MY PHONE INTO THE COMPUTER TO UPLOAD THE PICTURE ANYWAY AND IT JUST BRICKS. MY IPHONE 4 BRICKS INTO OBLIVION AND I DON’T HAVE ANY INSURANCE TO BACK IT UP.

I’LL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS OF MY INSANE RANT AND THE DESTRUCTION OF HALF THE LIVING ROOM.

ANYWAY, HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE.

WELL JEEZ, AREN’T YOU JUST A FUCKING GENIUS. LIKE I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT MYSELF. LIKE I DIDN’T SPEND AGONIZING HOURS WONDERING IF IT WAS MY OWN SICK, TWISTED MIND PLAYING GAMES WITH ME. I’M SO HAPPY I HAVE YOU, ANON, TO MAKE ME THINK OF THINGS LIKE THAT.

TL;DR: YES I’M SURE.

SO I’VE BEEN AVOIDING SKYPE LATELY. (EVERYONE ON THERE IS JUST A BUNCH OF TOOLS ANYHOW.) BUT YEAH, SO SINCE I’VE BEEN AVOIDING SHIT ON THERE, SOLLUX FELT THE NEED TO EMAIL ME.

ATTENTION FOLLOWERS EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE HARDLY ANY OF YOU:

THIS IS NOT HOW YOU HELP YOUR FRIENDS. THIS IS HOW YOU BE A COMPLETE DOUCHEBAG.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR LORD AND MASTER.

I THINK IT’S KIND OF OBVIOUS WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. I’M BEING STALKED, OF COURSE I’M NOT OKAY.

AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN “EVEN FOR YOU”? I’M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.

IN FACT, I THINK I SAW HIM YESTERDAY AGAIN. RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE. I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, SOLLUX.